Not much happens here these days, especially in a winter morning. The normal people are still in bed from the chill (or the excuse of it). As for many others it is the time we return home. Dressed in the same clothes as yesterday, had a cup of coffee at dhiru bhai unbrushed , I was heading home from hostel. The caffeine was working , the sun rays felt soft against the cool breeze and to top it off a rather buoyant track came up on shuffle play. With one fist pounding in rhythm on the speedometer a smile began to stretch across my face. These moments are rare, when you feel like you are on the edge of a major life epiphany, when your music impaired faculties take you beyond what is real. You see everything for what they truly are, lucid and plain. You blame time for being in abundance that we spend complicating things in and around us when in reality It's all a part of you; within reach. Acting like it's the elephant in the room won't help. Unless it blends of course :P.

As was apt; the non hippie “reality” chose this moment to slap me across the face. In the corner of my eye I see this man a little ahead to my left looking at the opposite end of the road with mighty intent. The determination on his face rose to a crescendo at the end of which he ran. Ran straight at me - I honked - Slowed down and tried to go behind him - He noticed me and panicked - Ran a step back to ensure i didn’t miss him. Not much i could do then. Full disks locked the wheels and next thing I know is I am skidding on the road dragging the bike behind me. It was all over in less than 2 seconds but every time i replay it in my mind looking for things i could have done to avert the incident, it seems longer. I wasn’t going fast and other than the head phones I was reasonably attentive. But then shit only doesn’t happen until it does.

I got off with a few minor cuts and scrapes but the one that hurt the most was that the visor of my motor bike had completely shattered. Much to my satisfaction the stupid man I hit was bleeding profusely (yes am a terrible selfish being with no humane empathy/sympathy). I refused to take him to the hospital and I was supported on the account that i myself was hurt. Tending to the cuts at home repeatedly filled me with white hot anger. I thought of the things that i would be missing out on because of this. We had our final intra sports tournaments coming up, the trip to springfest kharagpur, class picnic (eh ! well) and a few others.

In Bhubaneswar you can’t be certain that the empty stretch of road infront is actually so. Every now and then there will be stray dogs, cattle and people (sharing traits with dogs & cattle) right in the middle as if having materialised from a worm hole in space time. On the plus, i am extra cautious while driving and stopped listening to music unless am in the back seat*. I never was one who speeded in traffic ( always one who met with disappointment at having reached the destination sooner) owing to my lack of required skills and temperament . But given an empty road i would push 80 (even 100 once in a while). Some unmitigated hints by God are just marvellous and useless co-incidences, if the purpose of those hints is incomprehensible. Well we live in a world where Final destination could have happened. :/

*1 for three days.

If Only - by soup_boy

Talking to each other, strangers once again.
With only a faint recollection of familiarity.
We'll talk about the same things,
never realize how old it's become, and how old we've become. Let go.

I tread safely around you,
Scared of missing a step,
Scared of loosing you.
Illusions, I breathe them. Everyday.

It isn’t me. I only show restraint.
This love comes from a better place.
For everything you are and everything you claim to be,
For the inbetweeness and the incomplete conversations. P.B.M.

The one instant when everything makes sense
It is all understood, then all is lost.
When it actualizes to be a parade, a shroud of lies,
A body of proof; A dead heart with a now forgotten secret.

It is all there in the palm of your hand.
I find happiness there, My solace in holding it.
Not letting go. Not being let go by you.
And the last words to emanate off my conscious mind. If only.

THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN

Yesterday I was grounded at home all day courtesy the persistent rains that have been on for more than a day now. As Lord Murphy rightly predicted, my internet couldn’t have found a more apt time to die on me. This led me to do something unusual; I watched the television. As I sat through the painfully long commercial breaks I learned that; If I didn’t have an iPhone I didn’t have an iPhone, Katrina Kaif is so utterly disgusted with the men around that she would rather make out with a seasonal fruit, Sirji (a.k.a Amitabhji ka beta) has come up with 3G plans that propose a paradigm shifting approach towards family planning and that the mini documentaries on life at Tata Steel are actually not advertising.


After what seemed; uh well a very long time, the actual program resumed. It was a live coverage of the entire Anna Hazare Jan lokpal bill meltdown on a 24 hour national news channel. The screen was split into seventeen segments as prominent members from the government, Senior Journalists, writers, members from the board of intellectuals™ sat while the award winning correspondent interviewed the crowd of progressive, informed Indians waving flags and shouting slogans at the T.V. screen.


Our Correspondent: Sir, what do you feel are the short comings of the LLUB draft for the Jan Lokpal bill? And is the PRAC draft that the government is now proposing acceptable?
Progressive Indian 1: HUMARI MANGE PURI KARO! . pauses to think. VANDE MATARAM!
Our Correspondent: As you can see people have come out strongly this time and they are. Aaaa. Bit angry.
Progressive Indian 2: (pushes his way into the frame waving a flag) BHARAT MATA KI JAY!
Our Correspondent: Aaaaa. As you can see. . . the youth of the country has spoken.


India is a land of the remarkable and the bizarre. On one hand you have hundreds of people who are dying of hunger everyday without a choice. While on another there is a man who has sworn not to eat, even if he doesn’t have to. Anna Hazare has had it with corruption and he refuses to eat so that he can force feed his draft to the people in power of legislating bills in the parliament and amending rules of Golf on weekends. If not eating could solve all problems then wouldn’t Africa be the happiest place on earth, but don’t tell Anna that.

There is a sheer, demented lunacy this entire fast has unleashed ever since it began. Let’s recount, shall we. (previously on prison break)

1.) Anna stopped eating.

2.) A wide variety of public figures stood behind him in support which included the unfortunate Baba Ramdev .

3.) Government agrees to draft a bill but is actually looking out for its esteemed corrupt mates that are still at large. Result: Lokpal is as effective as a rubber with a hole.

4.) Baba Ramdev is pissed.

5.) Ramdev stopped eating.

6.) Ramdev’s peaceful fast is disrupted by the police at midnight where he manages to escape clad in a saree , cause that would fool them. (This ?? A beard ? I just haven’t had the time to do my upper lip in a while officer).

7.) Anna threatens to stop eating and government sends thugs to kidnap him.

8.) Government succumbs to criticism and orders to release Anna from Tihar the same day.

9.) Suresh Kalmadi greets Anna in prison ward with a warm “Hello, How are ? Khana khake jana”. Anna obliges by refusing to leave Tihar.

10.) People go bananas and what followed involves a lot of flag waving and revolting by refusing to eat.

11.) As inflation in the economy rises to an all time high efforts are made to keep a tap on “I am Anna, Anna is India” topis .

12.) 12 days and 7.5 kilos later the government agrees to the three points put forth by Anna. He breaks fast with a sip of Nimbooz (official sponsor of the Fast until death for jan lokpal bill ) . Later, reports say he hogged down 27 pieces of chicken and 14 eggs in 9 helpings of Biryani.


I sat in amazement ,as being amazed is all one can do. Day after day the entire shin dig kept getting transmitted direct to my set up box, live in high definition. I enjoyed it, cause who doesn’t when the circus is in town. The middle class wronged their critics who called them to be an apolitical bunch, as ones always in lookout for the easy ticket out of this country to write program codes in greener patches of the world. They end up cementing their ideology as one that emerges when Gandhian values and crusading consumerism go out to grab coffee. Some dimwit follower faced a lathi charge, some unfortunate government servant got suspended for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, some clown had to be appointed by the government to give out embarrassing yet politically correct statements and some T.V. anchor had to be there with his crew because the revolution had to reported. That is all this was.

ANOTHER DAY

Rakhi is never a official holiday in ITER. Every year we drag ourselves to college only to find that a mass bunk is in progress (it’s more a procedure than an event). It was no different today. I was on my way to canteen (so as to derive some satisfaction out of my otherwise pointless trip to college) when Rishi (CS) showed up looking all purposeful and spoke about some guy giving a talk in college and there being a problem to gather crowds. I agreed, actually having nothing better to do. As I waited for a friend, Rishi herded a bunch of first years towards the conference hall. They moved in tight packs, the physically stronger ones pushing their way into the centre of the pack as the weaklings hurried along in the side, with vacant expressions that comes from a perpetual ignorance of what one was getting into.


When ‘some guy’ started his talk there were seven people in all in the room (it grew slightly when the first years arrived). He seemed pleasant at first but 10 minutes in he asked –“why engineering ”? There was absolute silence. *dramatic pause*. Not that it had shaken our core or anything but because we never answer unless specifically asked to (straight faced smiley). What it did manage to do was board me on a train of thought that led to elaborately choreographing fight scenes involving the faculty sitting in front of me (with the kill bill soundtrack playing in the back ground). An hour in and our guy seemed to make lesser sense with every passing second. He was making a rant about how we had no idea how we ended up in final year of engineering in our streams and that we never seem to realise what we actually learnt since paying that huge college fee for the first time (who invited this guy ). Nothing an individual with mediocre IQ has already come to terms with. It was time to leave.


To think of it the only purpose engineering served was silencing a handful of social elements for a brief number of years and setting us up for silencing them for good by becoming respectable (read pseudo; pharji) system analysts for MNCs. Am 21; with what might well be a quarter of my life behind me and I don’t really have a sense of accomplishment. What’s worse is that I might have secured my next quarter to be no different.

Dive In,Take a leap,Face your fears

There are times(not often) that you come across movies that change your life, and probably this one changed a few things in me. At the least it has succeeded to plant its message in my brain and has in a obvious way, made me think and give the Jo-bhi-ho-so-ho philosophy a chance. The movie can be summed in its name (as was the case with luck by chance) ,Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. The highlight of the movie for me were the poems by Imraan that appeared in apt situations with strong words that rip your soul wide open and tell you to live life to the fullest.(yet has succeeded to keep it simple, courtesy Javed Akhtar).


How it is only natural to get caught up in a boxed life and believing that you want something only because you are expected to. Acknowledge, that you have merely scratched the surface of knowing your own true self and have to dig much deeper to find what you really want. Dive in, take a leap and face your ultimate fear. Cause you know what ? Life wont give you another chance. Its all that you make of it.


Immediately after I got back, I googled the poems . Found four of them posted in the facebook page for the movie. Thank the Akhtar’s, for giving us that new found love for life. All three of you have been brilliant.


WARNING: If you are in the moment may give you goosebumps.


Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwabon ki
Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise
Aazad rehno sikho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise
Lehron mein behna sikho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo
Khole apni bhaayein
Har ek pal ek naya samha
Dekhen yeh nigahaein
Jo apni aankhon mein
Hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum





Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai
Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai...





Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin
Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti
Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi
Kuch lafz hain woh maangti
Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh
Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaye woh
Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai
Ahsas hi ahsas hai
Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti
Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai
Jiska pata tumko bhi hai
Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai
Duniya se bhi chupta nahin
Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai...





Pighle neelam sa behta ye sama,
Neeli neeli si khamoshiyan,
Na kahin hai zameen
Na kahin aasmaan,
Sarsaraati hui tehniyaan pattiyaan,
Keh raheen hai bas ek tum ho yahan,
Bas main hoon,
Meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein,
Aisi gehraiyaan, aisi tanhaiyaan,
Aur main...Sirf main.
Apne hone par mujhko yakeen aa gaya.

CHEENI KUM HYE...

Rarely things in life are dramatic enough to let you know they changed you. They tend to happen in a short time span or a period that you can clearly define. As teens we stammer our way through life. Unsure of our emotions and fairly oblivious to getting hurt that with years leads us to develop a defence mechanism against anything and everything that might remotely matter or cause us pain. It’s the foolishly ambitious nature that makes falling in love , making pacts with friends to be ”friends forever “ and that absolute belief in self that I can do anything I put my heart into, so easy that early in life. But the years that follow teaches us to build this fortress around us that no girl can breach, we realise friends come in phases and have to leave with time (enriching our lives in their own unique way nevertheless) and there is admittance of the limitations that come with our abilities. Is ignorance really bliss? Aren’t we better off foolish?

I remember making lemonade with six teaspoons of sugar (not kidding). Now I often enjoy a coffee black and without sugar. If I was at liberty to choose my likes – I would prefer to like that syrupy lemonade over a black coffee. Why ?? Seems more fun now doesn’t it. The cheeni kum philosophy has come to represent everything that has made life so bland. Now what can one say, I seem to be in conflict at what makes sense and what should make sense.

I have found myself to refuse to “love” someone I have come to deeply like over time. I just can’t get myself to act romantic after all these years I have come to criticise the idea of romantic love. At one moment all that gooey mushy talk seems just right and the very next my head is like “are you serious”. Damn my defence mechanism. It’s good. Why can’t I just be normal for this one thing. You reach that point where you are struggling to be honest with yourself and yet you fail to get the right answers. It’s this deeply cynical stance I tend to take when it comes to anything that promises to bring marked happiness .I refuse to be hopeful even if the tables are turned in my favour. If only I could get myself to jump to an orbital above or below (don’t much care if it’s stable or not). I am stranded somewhere in between and sure as hell missing out on something extraordinary to say the least.

Then what changed me so beyond repair. It would really help if I could put the blame somewhere. Then I could criticise it enough to undo myself. Were it the guys I hung out with making fun of the couples in college (especially the lame desperate ones), were it the shitty chick flicks whose trend has spread like herpes in the recent times or is it Chetan Bhagat for writing those books that are solely responsible for branding engineering colleges as a romantic utopia, all in for love and revolt. Well I don’t consider myself lucky enough to start blaming as of now. Is it supposed to be this confusing? Ted (HIMYM ref) says when the time is right you would just know. See I have opened myself enough to take advice from a nonsensical PBS sitcom. I don’t think it can get any better or worse #poeticbullcrap. However, its 5:06 in the morning and the time now is for my steaming cup of chai, with of course Kum Cheeni.

THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE

The end of third year at engineering marks the beginning if the big anti climax that is of course “final year “. Next year is all going to be how much we’re going to miss college, lots of tears over missing friends and bunking classes only to go out and do nothing which am pretty sure is going to ruin it for me anyway . Honestly I don’t think am going to miss college that much (if only a little maybe). Well that is what we do, we freak out that tomorrow is not going to be as comfortable and stable as today and in the process ruin today. It’s our everlasting quest for that stability that drives us to that place of convenience where we spend the rest of our lives and if we are lucky get to be happy. That is what makes me more scared than being sad when it comes to leaving college.

I don’t have a clue where that place outside the bounds of college is or more importantly how to work my way till there. In the past I have tricked myself into believing I want things only to find out the hard way they were never meant for me. I might have made slight improvement in that department with a little age and experience but that is not close enough to give any assurance from future catastrophes.

I go back to those nights I spent in the first year here with my cousin brothers watching Darjeeling Limited in pitch darkness which is about these three brothers looking for spiritual enlightenment and meaning for life as they travel through India . Anyway now all three of them (cousins) have jobs in different corners of the country and are leading their bittersweet lives.
I would any day make a deal to have something like that even if only to reduce the level of uncertainty that lies in front of me. Though pausing things right there or even now seems a more lucrative deal.

The ingredients for me are narrowed down to find that source that pays me for something that I don’t absolutely hate , confusion and uncertainty is minimum (this might differ for others) and have a friend(s) to share movie time with. All the big talk about ambition and I look to settle. In all fairness that is my ambition, to be devoted to laziness.What is my ultimate aim in life? Is being content the opposite of being ambitious? Am I ambitious, if yes, then what is my passion? Am I content, if yes, then why I am not happy? There is this urge to fast forward things to that moment where everything seems to work out. Can’t wait to see the first day of the rest of my life.

Change : yet again

I spent the early years of my childhood in salt lake (out skirts of Kolkata) and there are these vivid mental pictures I still retain that expressed Kolkata as the flagship city of the left. The walls painted with CPI(M) symbols with writings in bold Bengali, the gol chowks tied around with “lal” flags that were never taken down after the last rally and those three wheeler pickup trucks (have only seen them in Kolkata) mounted with a loud speaker driving slowly through the residential streets on a Sunday morning were things out of the mundane. Then around the 1998 elections the walls of Kolkata featured a new mural, that of a three petalled flower bearing the tricolour marking the arrival of Trinamool Congress into the Bengal politics. It belonged to Mamata Banerjee who I knew too well as the woman who always seemed really pissed at something or the other every time she was on local news and on national television her strong Bengali accent was borderline hilarious. Even if this was 12 years ago not many could have predicted the scene to change so drastically in a relatively short span of time.

The Marxists rose to power owing to the “poribartan hawa” (air of change) of the 70’s and managed to retain their position long after the wind had changed its course. They survived the fall of the Berlin wall and the collapse of the Soviet Union; however the green fields of Singur and the bloodied villages of Nandigram overwhelmed them ending a 34 year long reign in Bengal. It has been a historic win NOT because it brought about a change in the political party after such a long time (That has been done on several occasions), or because who brought about a change was a woman whose win couldn’t have been predicted a decade ago; but because it marks the end of a system that exercised power over the state for such a long time and raises serious questions on its return to power (the party might but the system would not).The left came into power with promises of land reforms and redistribution of zameen to the common peasants and implemented this policy with marked stubbornness and ineptitude. Foreign investment and industries of the state suffered in the sidelines as the government turned their head away from the cries of a small educated bunch from the urban parts demanding for better jobs and scope for higher education who moved out to other parts of the country in the lookout for greener patches. Not until recently while looking to find a balance between industries and agriculture that would provide the state with the much necessary boost in development the government gave Mamata Banerjee the very platform to make her election campaign from by allocating land for setting up the factory for Tata, losing their support base from both ends.

Mamata Banerjee, riding on the farmland acquisition issue by the Tata Motors factory in the Singur project and- ironically -yet again on the promise of “change”. Over the last few years politicians have ruined the word “change” and probably altered what it means slightly. There emerges a cyclic pattern in its usage over the years and has often proved to be a powerful tool to remove a party in power for a prolonged period of time. And longer is the time in power more is the number scandals, use of ugly politics and short comings in the time of crisis which makes the task of the opposition that much easier, that much irrelevant and more inevitable than historic.

The real tedious work lies ahead. Lets hope the change is for the better, even if relatively.

Oscar Wilde writes...

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.
All that I desire to point out is the general principle that life imitates art far more than art imitates life.
Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known. Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.
An excellent man; he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him.
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to.

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

The Rain...and when she came

Yesterday, it rained like no other day. Apart, from the normal social human beings, I particularly don't enjoy the rainy seasons. The very thought of it fills my mind with images of muck, overflowing drainage, wet clothes and flu. All the above and the rest make a rather unpleasant mindset towards this season.

I have never really captured the relation between rains and romance. The sultry wet weather to that of love and its making. Often has made me wonder why do they film lovers in the rain, with dresses (all in white, especially the female lead) singing song without a hiss of the rain. "It's a dream romantic sequence, you fool!, says my friend and I, as usual remain silent.(who the fuck’s dream is that)

But yesterday when it rained, I was not in a great mood. I was in midst of an mobile talk trying to sort out an issue. And then I heard the breeze, grew stronger and the wind came. And suddenly she came. It sounded like the arrival of a thousand chariots galloping on a battle field to conquer and to win. The sound was roaring and deafening. Who is she?(asked myself). And I went to look up to her how she looks. And there I got a glimpse of her, rather glimpses. Under the bright orange street lamp she fell gracefully down almost like falling into some body's wide open arms. As though someone was obstructing her way, she cut through the hard dry earth, made the soil melt and found her way right into the heart of the earth.

She made the kids dance to her tune as she fell in rhythm and rhymes between their tiny fingers and toes. The infant on the other side was overjoyed when she sprinkled herself upon her, wanting her more. I heard a man abuse and cursing her but she roared back voicing her thunder, he fled for his life. I strained my ears to hear her more but was surprised to hear how faint she sounded, as she dripped pass my fingers.

She was the rain... loud, gregarious but at the same time was a soft tiny drop. So tender yet strong. So light yet heavy, so demanding yet obliging. Suddenly a faint breeze rubbed against my face, leaving few drops on my face.Ah! She read my mind and after a long time I smiled. She smiled too knowing that she won a soulless heart! That I got to know the next morning.

Today when I woke, I ran out opened the door wanting to see her again. But was met by my old friend the Sun and his fashionably designed friends blue sky and his out of shape team of clouds."I loved it, I said". "No way", he said. "You never love her, the rain"? and "when did this exactly happen", he asked. And I said,
"Yesterday, the rain...when she came"...

photo courtesy Arpan Bhowmick..

Need to give it a name...(or is it)

There is no way to settle this,
aint no one there to blame.
As obscure thoughts cloud my mind.
Need to give it some sort of a name....or is it

Scared out there ,never looked for it all.
But then ,.....you dazzled me from the start.
Made sure i kept things in check.
Even as the hideous puppets played their part.

Every blunt thought was admired,
Made fun of your shades of pink.
When the dam couldnt hold the flow,
Built an ark which was to sink.

Many a night i found myself with no one beside me,
I turn to you and everytime... things always got bright.
As the ship sailed into the sunsets,
I finally felt just walking was allright.
I thought i understood... I knew we understood,
As the days kept turning into night.

There is no way to settle this,
aint no one there to blame.
Obscure thoughts still cloud my mind,
Need to give it some sort of a name.(or is it)

driven by the Ds

Imagine a dead end in your life... ummm worse... stuck in a pit meaning everythings going wrong!!! have you ever been there??? i most definetly have!!To be honest... i never manage to get out looking all normal!!!but one thing i did learn was that i landed myself in man holes..... you need dedication and determination to make it out!!!! I have seen my share of people who are 'gifted' with these two. They are my constant inspiration.each and every person has a dream....a dream needs constant care,love but most importantly dedication and determination!!!! I believe in following your dreams till your last breath! but i also believe in being realistic about it!! this doesnt mean you are not allowed to dream wild! the wilder the better actually!!! but part of dreaming wild is taking everything anyone throws at you objectively!!Not always are things flowery and wonderful.... sometimes things happen that prick worse than thorns,but in the pain never forget the beautiful colour and smell!!! i heard this today on t.v and i believe it applies perfectly here.
'in all your pain and suffering dont forget the sun is shinning brightly outside" what i learnt from it us brood all you want... when your done look out your window and yes the worlds still beautiful!!!!

Thts my ride!!!!

Bhubaneswar in the past few years has come out of its dormancy and has shown considerable development in sectors that have placed it as one of the fastest growing cities in the nation. With the IT majors and MNCs opening up, the very face of the working class has now changed. Once the hamara Bajaj family (with dad driving mom and two kids out in the unfailing trustworthy two wheeler) is now slowly transforming to mom’s shopping in malls ,groceries from retail shops and super busy dad’s driving out to work on compact fuel efficient cars. Lives, though gradually, are catching up on pace and standard of living has come up. Amid all the beautiful murals on the sidewalks and flyovers, several ancient temples stand a reminiscent memoir to the rich and profound history associated with it. It is one of the cleanest cities of the country and has a reasonably well managed traffic flow ,even in peak hours.
However inspite of all these, a proper public transport system here is more or less non existant . Courtesy the urban planning of the fifties, Bhubaneswar has broad and near about mutually perpendicular roads to effectively support a transport system, which could in turn serve a large section of people(primarily belonging to the student class), heading to their regular destinations, and looking for a cheaper mode of transport . I spent a part of my school and college life away from hometown Bhubaneswar and that made me to use the city bus on a regular basis. I ended up totally falling in love with the system. I shared with it a bond that on being apart made me pine for the sense of comfort I once associated with it. Now back here that’s one thing that I actually miss from before.
I appreciate her existence each day I spend away from her (anything non living automatically becomes a she in my life) here in bhubaneswar . She saved me a lot of money and a hell lot of unnecessary grrr . In all this traveling I have had a million lovely and some I-wish-to-not-ruin-this-article-with experiences. But even in my worst mood I still enjoyed a bus ride. Every time I board the bus it calms me down, picks me up and keeps me smiling all so effortlessly. Here’s why:

• Blush: I always bump into some woman/man who will be on the phone and blushing. God bless cheap schemes.

• Men: Sometimes I find a woman standing as all the seats reserved for the ladies are occupied. It gives us men the rare opportunity to come off the “nice guy” n give up our seats.

• Drivers: The sweet, kind and extra defensive drivers who lose their mind if a man boards from the front. The care for their lady passengers is overwhelming.

• Conductors: Ones that smile at you while giving you your ticket. And nudge you to tell you there’s an empty seat at the back.

• Co-passengers: A seated co-passenger who sees you are carrying a oh-so-heavy bag and offers to hold it to reduce your load while standing.

• Book reader: A girl so lost in her book that it just makes you smile. It reminds you of life’s little joys

• Friends: A couple of guys and girls laughing hysterically. Their laughter is energizing and makes you smile and even laugh without having an ounce of clue why.

• Baby care: A young girl giving up her seat for a lady with a baby. Kindness still lingers in our lives. Yeay!

• Music lover: A guy with a headset, a hood and staring out the window so lost in his music. I always worry if he ever gets off at the right stop. But I smile because I feel if he didn’t, it wouldn’t bother him in the least. As long as he had his player.
There are millions of people who travel by bus everyday. Who take the time to just relax. Who avoid the frustration of making their way through traffic and pile their road worries on the driver. Who enjoy the simple beauties of nature and of the world whizzing by. To all of you, I totally hear you. It has been a long wait for us. Its time we switch from the risky bikes, smart cars, and the rude auto rickshaw drivers to the majestic city bus. Where commute gives us the gift of time.

A HUNDRED DAYS FOR THE DAD...

A fresh new month, another holiday incepted by the west. The third Sunday of June brings us the “father’s day”. On 19th June 1910 the father’s day was solicited by Mrs Jhon B Dodd who felt the need for a day dedicated to our dads and so she did. The dads who back then mostly were tough people , working hard to provide for the family. Devoid of sentiments and emotions they never needed thanks for cuffing the sons by the ears or scaring away boys from their daughters. The idea was instantly met with ridicule.

A century later, the thing that has kept the day alive and going is commercialisation. It were retailors of men’s merchandise who saw it as a opportunity to boost sales and capitalised on it by promoting it with sales and discounts. Consumerism took its toll and people bought gifts for their dads even if they saw clearly through the capitalistic facade.

The wave of capitalisation arrived in India long after and it was not untill the last two decades that father’s day was celebrated here . It was unofficially sponsored by the greeting card companies who promised that they could express every single emotion for us ,that they could speak for us and help us express what we were feeling. -Now lets take a moment here-Are we so incapable that we cant even express ourselves and that we need a stranger to put words in our mouths to realise what we feel for our dad. And what is this hyped feeling.Why celebrate father’s day at all.

Well heres the thing. Because you owe him. And not for the values and aptitudes he imbibed in you. But because you owe him hard cash. It was he who paid for your expensive college and made sure you had a secure future. He who paid for the holidays that you took to the hill stations in the summer. Every time your bike hits reserve it he who gets it refilled. When you broke Mishra uncle’s window pane playing cricket your dad was the one who took care of it. When you are down with fever its your mom who was with you all through. But silently away from all attention it was your dad who paid for the doctor and the medication. If tomorrow you get into trouble in a road accident and are sitting in a police lock up it would be your dad making frantic calls to powerful friends to bail you out.We rarely get a chance to realise that let alone thank him for all.

So how’s this hundredth fathers day going to be for us now that we know how we feel for our often unrecognised male parent. Well it can be a dinner at his favourite resturant with some casual conversation. You dont have to tell him how important he is to you and that you care for him (save that for the mother’s day). Focussing on spending some quality time with you dad accompanied with good food should suffice. Just dont forget to skip the flowers.

dunno...

Something is terribly wrong with this world. The bubble that surrounds me today is overflowing with god forsaken lame bastards. They suffocate me. Its not that I care about them but their sheer numbers continuously defines my way of life. The music is contaminated, the movies n now even books are being written for these pea brained masses. Its pretty amazing to actually note how their idiocy makes them to believe things ...love, religion, politics, friendship. The way mediocrity overwhelms them with greatness. The way they can be persuaded to look for meaning in otherwise non existent places. Love for them succeeds only in case of a mutual misunderstanding. They are in a true sense “secondaries” of god’s creation living as a majority. But why is it so? Arent these secondaries supposed to be wiped of the gene pool on account of their impotent brains and not the under developed genetalia as the great dictator once attempted to in the late thirties.
What am i trying to get at from this. I dont actually want them to be castrated and sent to concentration camps. But am sick of trying to be a part of them.

The Dreamer.....

I love the fact that one’s mind is a place you can escape to. When you’re going through a rough patch, you can always run away to that one happy place in your head and block out reality. Our imagination is like a little piece of clichéd heaven… it might not make anything easier but it sure as hell makes you feel good and gives you that peace of mind for a little while…
You know you’re lying or think you’d come off as a pansy if you admit it- but everyone I know, thinks or dreams of the future right before you go to bed. They might be the things you’re going to do tomorrow or the preparation for your wedding day many years from now… everyone does it! You do it at every free second that you manage to steal from the usual tiring routine. You can make an entire lifetime of memories that you want to- in your head… like sandcastles in the clouds…. (Not sure if that’s the right metaphor :p)
Dreaming is fun… anyone can do it…its not like you require a particular skill or something… no thought is too far-fetched or too ambitious… you can dream of being an awesome pianist, a singer on Indian idol,Paris Hilton’s dog, the lady who design’s the Jimmy Choo shoes etc, etc… (As long as you don’t get too delusional, you’ll be okay… :p)
You don’t feel foolish for fantasizing of these things… because they’re private. Other people might be a part of these day-dreams and stupid fantasies but they’re yours exclusively…

Our dreams are always bigger than us… letting go of the unrealistic ones or holding on to the foolish ones doesn’t make you any smaller…

BEING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes we need people to show us our reflection- to show us the good things about us that we leave on the back burner and focus on the negative aspects and beat ourselves up over it for all eternity. These negative things are only as big as the importance that you give them. Dwell on them forever and it’s as good as getting it branded into your bones. Forget about it five minutes after it happens, and it’s erased at that very instant.
Have you ever wondered how certain people you know, do the most awful things and are still able to sleep peacefully at night? You think to yourself-“God! If I had done a quarter of the things that he/she had done, I would’ve killed myself ages ago!” The difference between these people and you is that they don’t dwell on these unpleasant things as long as you do. And you start to wonder about your strengths as a person- falling apart over things that are really not that big.

Everybody has a person who is their mirror that shows them the things that are admirable about them. They are there to remind you that you don’t completely suck, that you deserve more than the crappy hand that you were dealt and in a way it becomes your consolation for a while.
This sort of answers the question above. Those people are able to get over those awful things that they did and sleep peacefully at night because they have people telling them how awesome they are. You have people telling you that you’re awesome too but the only difference is that those other people believe it and you don’t. Therefore you continue to fall apart over things, that in theory, aren’t really that big and they move on from experiences that are far more devastating.
It has nothing to do with strength or character or anything like that. It is your reflection that makes it that way –the way you perceive yourself, the way others perceive you and perceptions that you choose to take in and the ones you choose to leave out.

Being Somebody...

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to do something. Something worthwhile, that would make people stop and admire my work. You know, make a name for myself. I didn’t want to be just anybody. I wanted to be somebody.

I remember watching Jurassic Park as a kid and thinking to myself, “Someday, I’m gonna be a paleontologist.” I told that to my mom. What did she say about that? “Paleontologist? hmmmm. Next time when you watch Superman and tell me you want to be him next!!”... and so I did.

Twelve years on, I’m not a paleontologist. Neither am I Superman. Batman would’ve seemed a more realistic dream, but what the heck did I know about building a Batmobile then? I’m still not who I want to be. My life so far has been one roller coaster ride of joy, sadness, pain, excitement, alcohol, death, hate and love; dejection and vodka go so well together.

I see people around me, but do they really exist? Lying, cheating bitching, backstabbing; “Fake” is what defines society today. Friends are the people you’re supposed to depend upon when you’re in need? No thanks. In the words of the not-so-great Nicholas Cage portraying the kind-of-cliché-but-cool Cameron Poe in the movie Con Air, “Sorry boss, but there’s only two men I trust. One of them's me. The other's not you.” Damn, I love that movie.

Call me a loner, a cynic. I am. I just don’t see the point in putting all your trust in people who wouldn’t take a bullet for you even after you did for them. Too scared of their own limitation. What limitations? Limitations only exist when you create them for yourselves. You need courage to be your own person.

So where am I getting at with all of this? Well, here’s a hint: Grow up. People make mistakes. Who doesn’t? Some people make the same mistake over and over again. And again. And again. Case in point – Me. It took me 12 months to realize what a prick I had been. But in the end I did come to that realization. I did confront myself. And I’ve changed. I’m not a prick anymore. I’m not asking you to be my BFF either. Just accept me. Acknowledge my existence.

But wait, don’t get all emo just yet, I’m not done.

So, finally, here I am now, sorry for my mistake, happy to be alive and ready to face my future. Alone? If I have to. I’m glad I made those mistakes. I’m glad I hurt those people. I’m glad those people hurt me. I’m glad to be the only person I trust. I’m glad I’m not Superman. Because if it wasn’t for all of that, I wouldn’t be here right now. At this juncture of my life. Letting go. Being free. Being somebody.

Friend or Foe? Or just other people?

I have always been very careful with the word 'friends'. There are people, and then there are friends. People come, people go. But, friends come and nourish you with a value, get nourished in return and stay as a part of you. It doesn't matter how long the companionship lasts. It doesn't matter what they do for you, and what they don't, until you are sure they possess the value you adore. You might not talk on the phone for long hours, you might not meet everyday to say hi, you might not remember their birthday. But, it wouldn't matter.


I believe that the kind of friends one chooses defines his self. If one looks for a value, I am sure he has one part of him that adores that value and so eventually the value becomes a part of him.


They say friends are like the shadow. I cannot seem to agree. Friends are more like mirrors. Mirrors of what goes on in your mind. They reflect what you like. They might not reflect you; and this is very important to know. We need not be similar to the people we like; if it were so, we could as well have no friends at all. We might always have common interests; after all there needs to be a platform to interact and understand.


Love, is another such thing. Its like the second most misunderstood term after GOD. I heard this word more than ten times in the last twenty four hours. From some mad-forwarded SMS to scroll through to the lame RJs on the radio, everyone wants to define love and be influenced by it. Everyone seems to want to love. Everyone seems to want to be loved. Loved for what, why and how, we don't seem to clarify to ourselves. Love seems to be in the air, and every other wrong place. We love people for who they are, and that is a moral necessity.


What we love is again a mirror to how we think. And just saying "I love you. Please love me too." doesn't evolve into actually loving. And what in hell kind of a statement was that?! How could people love on request?


It isn't surprising that I find myself out-of-place with such remarks and language. I have always felt it. What is surprising is the remarkable level of foolishness around, that only seems to grow with unbound acceleration, second by second. I can't help but think about it.


I can't help but write about it.

Refrigerator n Studies dont go together

is it just me, or a common habit, everytime u study near the fridge, u tend to get up every now and then, open the refrigerator, check out for something to eat and close it back again knowing that there was nothing there last time u checked also?