The Rain...and when she came

Yesterday, it rained like no other day. Apart, from the normal social human beings, I particularly don't enjoy the rainy seasons. The very thought of it fills my mind with images of muck, overflowing drainage, wet clothes and flu. All the above and the rest make a rather unpleasant mindset towards this season.

I have never really captured the relation between rains and romance. The sultry wet weather to that of love and its making. Often has made me wonder why do they film lovers in the rain, with dresses (all in white, especially the female lead) singing song without a hiss of the rain. "It's a dream romantic sequence, you fool!, says my friend and I, as usual remain silent.(who the fuck’s dream is that)

But yesterday when it rained, I was not in a great mood. I was in midst of an mobile talk trying to sort out an issue. And then I heard the breeze, grew stronger and the wind came. And suddenly she came. It sounded like the arrival of a thousand chariots galloping on a battle field to conquer and to win. The sound was roaring and deafening. Who is she?(asked myself). And I went to look up to her how she looks. And there I got a glimpse of her, rather glimpses. Under the bright orange street lamp she fell gracefully down almost like falling into some body's wide open arms. As though someone was obstructing her way, she cut through the hard dry earth, made the soil melt and found her way right into the heart of the earth.

She made the kids dance to her tune as she fell in rhythm and rhymes between their tiny fingers and toes. The infant on the other side was overjoyed when she sprinkled herself upon her, wanting her more. I heard a man abuse and cursing her but she roared back voicing her thunder, he fled for his life. I strained my ears to hear her more but was surprised to hear how faint she sounded, as she dripped pass my fingers.

She was the rain... loud, gregarious but at the same time was a soft tiny drop. So tender yet strong. So light yet heavy, so demanding yet obliging. Suddenly a faint breeze rubbed against my face, leaving few drops on my face.Ah! She read my mind and after a long time I smiled. She smiled too knowing that she won a soulless heart! That I got to know the next morning.

Today when I woke, I ran out opened the door wanting to see her again. But was met by my old friend the Sun and his fashionably designed friends blue sky and his out of shape team of clouds."I loved it, I said". "No way", he said. "You never love her, the rain"? and "when did this exactly happen", he asked. And I said,
"Yesterday, the rain...when she came"...

photo courtesy Arpan Bhowmick..

Need to give it a name...(or is it)

There is no way to settle this,
aint no one there to blame.
As obscure thoughts cloud my mind.
Need to give it some sort of a name....or is it

Scared out there ,never looked for it all.
But then ,.....you dazzled me from the start.
Made sure i kept things in check.
Even as the hideous puppets played their part.

Every blunt thought was admired,
Made fun of your shades of pink.
When the dam couldnt hold the flow,
Built an ark which was to sink.

Many a night i found myself with no one beside me,
I turn to you and everytime... things always got bright.
As the ship sailed into the sunsets,
I finally felt just walking was allright.
I thought i understood... I knew we understood,
As the days kept turning into night.

There is no way to settle this,
aint no one there to blame.
Obscure thoughts still cloud my mind,
Need to give it some sort of a name.(or is it)

driven by the Ds

Imagine a dead end in your life... ummm worse... stuck in a pit meaning everythings going wrong!!! have you ever been there??? i most definetly have!!To be honest... i never manage to get out looking all normal!!!but one thing i did learn was that i landed myself in man holes..... you need dedication and determination to make it out!!!! I have seen my share of people who are 'gifted' with these two. They are my constant inspiration.each and every person has a dream....a dream needs constant care,love but most importantly dedication and determination!!!! I believe in following your dreams till your last breath! but i also believe in being realistic about it!! this doesnt mean you are not allowed to dream wild! the wilder the better actually!!! but part of dreaming wild is taking everything anyone throws at you objectively!!Not always are things flowery and wonderful.... sometimes things happen that prick worse than thorns,but in the pain never forget the beautiful colour and smell!!! i heard this today on t.v and i believe it applies perfectly here.
'in all your pain and suffering dont forget the sun is shinning brightly outside" what i learnt from it us brood all you want... when your done look out your window and yes the worlds still beautiful!!!!

Thts my ride!!!!

Bhubaneswar in the past few years has come out of its dormancy and has shown considerable development in sectors that have placed it as one of the fastest growing cities in the nation. With the IT majors and MNCs opening up, the very face of the working class has now changed. Once the hamara Bajaj family (with dad driving mom and two kids out in the unfailing trustworthy two wheeler) is now slowly transforming to mom’s shopping in malls ,groceries from retail shops and super busy dad’s driving out to work on compact fuel efficient cars. Lives, though gradually, are catching up on pace and standard of living has come up. Amid all the beautiful murals on the sidewalks and flyovers, several ancient temples stand a reminiscent memoir to the rich and profound history associated with it. It is one of the cleanest cities of the country and has a reasonably well managed traffic flow ,even in peak hours.
However inspite of all these, a proper public transport system here is more or less non existant . Courtesy the urban planning of the fifties, Bhubaneswar has broad and near about mutually perpendicular roads to effectively support a transport system, which could in turn serve a large section of people(primarily belonging to the student class), heading to their regular destinations, and looking for a cheaper mode of transport . I spent a part of my school and college life away from hometown Bhubaneswar and that made me to use the city bus on a regular basis. I ended up totally falling in love with the system. I shared with it a bond that on being apart made me pine for the sense of comfort I once associated with it. Now back here that’s one thing that I actually miss from before.
I appreciate her existence each day I spend away from her (anything non living automatically becomes a she in my life) here in bhubaneswar . She saved me a lot of money and a hell lot of unnecessary grrr . In all this traveling I have had a million lovely and some I-wish-to-not-ruin-this-article-with experiences. But even in my worst mood I still enjoyed a bus ride. Every time I board the bus it calms me down, picks me up and keeps me smiling all so effortlessly. Here’s why:

• Blush: I always bump into some woman/man who will be on the phone and blushing. God bless cheap schemes.

• Men: Sometimes I find a woman standing as all the seats reserved for the ladies are occupied. It gives us men the rare opportunity to come off the “nice guy” n give up our seats.

• Drivers: The sweet, kind and extra defensive drivers who lose their mind if a man boards from the front. The care for their lady passengers is overwhelming.

• Conductors: Ones that smile at you while giving you your ticket. And nudge you to tell you there’s an empty seat at the back.

• Co-passengers: A seated co-passenger who sees you are carrying a oh-so-heavy bag and offers to hold it to reduce your load while standing.

• Book reader: A girl so lost in her book that it just makes you smile. It reminds you of life’s little joys

• Friends: A couple of guys and girls laughing hysterically. Their laughter is energizing and makes you smile and even laugh without having an ounce of clue why.

• Baby care: A young girl giving up her seat for a lady with a baby. Kindness still lingers in our lives. Yeay!

• Music lover: A guy with a headset, a hood and staring out the window so lost in his music. I always worry if he ever gets off at the right stop. But I smile because I feel if he didn’t, it wouldn’t bother him in the least. As long as he had his player.
There are millions of people who travel by bus everyday. Who take the time to just relax. Who avoid the frustration of making their way through traffic and pile their road worries on the driver. Who enjoy the simple beauties of nature and of the world whizzing by. To all of you, I totally hear you. It has been a long wait for us. Its time we switch from the risky bikes, smart cars, and the rude auto rickshaw drivers to the majestic city bus. Where commute gives us the gift of time.

A HUNDRED DAYS FOR THE DAD...

A fresh new month, another holiday incepted by the west. The third Sunday of June brings us the “father’s day”. On 19th June 1910 the father’s day was solicited by Mrs Jhon B Dodd who felt the need for a day dedicated to our dads and so she did. The dads who back then mostly were tough people , working hard to provide for the family. Devoid of sentiments and emotions they never needed thanks for cuffing the sons by the ears or scaring away boys from their daughters. The idea was instantly met with ridicule.

A century later, the thing that has kept the day alive and going is commercialisation. It were retailors of men’s merchandise who saw it as a opportunity to boost sales and capitalised on it by promoting it with sales and discounts. Consumerism took its toll and people bought gifts for their dads even if they saw clearly through the capitalistic facade.

The wave of capitalisation arrived in India long after and it was not untill the last two decades that father’s day was celebrated here . It was unofficially sponsored by the greeting card companies who promised that they could express every single emotion for us ,that they could speak for us and help us express what we were feeling. -Now lets take a moment here-Are we so incapable that we cant even express ourselves and that we need a stranger to put words in our mouths to realise what we feel for our dad. And what is this hyped feeling.Why celebrate father’s day at all.

Well heres the thing. Because you owe him. And not for the values and aptitudes he imbibed in you. But because you owe him hard cash. It was he who paid for your expensive college and made sure you had a secure future. He who paid for the holidays that you took to the hill stations in the summer. Every time your bike hits reserve it he who gets it refilled. When you broke Mishra uncle’s window pane playing cricket your dad was the one who took care of it. When you are down with fever its your mom who was with you all through. But silently away from all attention it was your dad who paid for the doctor and the medication. If tomorrow you get into trouble in a road accident and are sitting in a police lock up it would be your dad making frantic calls to powerful friends to bail you out.We rarely get a chance to realise that let alone thank him for all.

So how’s this hundredth fathers day going to be for us now that we know how we feel for our often unrecognised male parent. Well it can be a dinner at his favourite resturant with some casual conversation. You dont have to tell him how important he is to you and that you care for him (save that for the mother’s day). Focussing on spending some quality time with you dad accompanied with good food should suffice. Just dont forget to skip the flowers.

dunno...

Something is terribly wrong with this world. The bubble that surrounds me today is overflowing with god forsaken lame bastards. They suffocate me. Its not that I care about them but their sheer numbers continuously defines my way of life. The music is contaminated, the movies n now even books are being written for these pea brained masses. Its pretty amazing to actually note how their idiocy makes them to believe things ...love, religion, politics, friendship. The way mediocrity overwhelms them with greatness. The way they can be persuaded to look for meaning in otherwise non existent places. Love for them succeeds only in case of a mutual misunderstanding. They are in a true sense “secondaries” of god’s creation living as a majority. But why is it so? Arent these secondaries supposed to be wiped of the gene pool on account of their impotent brains and not the under developed genetalia as the great dictator once attempted to in the late thirties.
What am i trying to get at from this. I dont actually want them to be castrated and sent to concentration camps. But am sick of trying to be a part of them.

The Dreamer.....

I love the fact that one’s mind is a place you can escape to. When you’re going through a rough patch, you can always run away to that one happy place in your head and block out reality. Our imagination is like a little piece of clichéd heaven… it might not make anything easier but it sure as hell makes you feel good and gives you that peace of mind for a little while…
You know you’re lying or think you’d come off as a pansy if you admit it- but everyone I know, thinks or dreams of the future right before you go to bed. They might be the things you’re going to do tomorrow or the preparation for your wedding day many years from now… everyone does it! You do it at every free second that you manage to steal from the usual tiring routine. You can make an entire lifetime of memories that you want to- in your head… like sandcastles in the clouds…. (Not sure if that’s the right metaphor :p)
Dreaming is fun… anyone can do it…its not like you require a particular skill or something… no thought is too far-fetched or too ambitious… you can dream of being an awesome pianist, a singer on Indian idol,Paris Hilton’s dog, the lady who design’s the Jimmy Choo shoes etc, etc… (As long as you don’t get too delusional, you’ll be okay… :p)
You don’t feel foolish for fantasizing of these things… because they’re private. Other people might be a part of these day-dreams and stupid fantasies but they’re yours exclusively…

Our dreams are always bigger than us… letting go of the unrealistic ones or holding on to the foolish ones doesn’t make you any smaller…

BEING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes we need people to show us our reflection- to show us the good things about us that we leave on the back burner and focus on the negative aspects and beat ourselves up over it for all eternity. These negative things are only as big as the importance that you give them. Dwell on them forever and it’s as good as getting it branded into your bones. Forget about it five minutes after it happens, and it’s erased at that very instant.
Have you ever wondered how certain people you know, do the most awful things and are still able to sleep peacefully at night? You think to yourself-“God! If I had done a quarter of the things that he/she had done, I would’ve killed myself ages ago!” The difference between these people and you is that they don’t dwell on these unpleasant things as long as you do. And you start to wonder about your strengths as a person- falling apart over things that are really not that big.

Everybody has a person who is their mirror that shows them the things that are admirable about them. They are there to remind you that you don’t completely suck, that you deserve more than the crappy hand that you were dealt and in a way it becomes your consolation for a while.
This sort of answers the question above. Those people are able to get over those awful things that they did and sleep peacefully at night because they have people telling them how awesome they are. You have people telling you that you’re awesome too but the only difference is that those other people believe it and you don’t. Therefore you continue to fall apart over things, that in theory, aren’t really that big and they move on from experiences that are far more devastating.
It has nothing to do with strength or character or anything like that. It is your reflection that makes it that way –the way you perceive yourself, the way others perceive you and perceptions that you choose to take in and the ones you choose to leave out.

Being Somebody...

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to do something. Something worthwhile, that would make people stop and admire my work. You know, make a name for myself. I didn’t want to be just anybody. I wanted to be somebody.

I remember watching Jurassic Park as a kid and thinking to myself, “Someday, I’m gonna be a paleontologist.” I told that to my mom. What did she say about that? “Paleontologist? hmmmm. Next time when you watch Superman and tell me you want to be him next!!”... and so I did.

Twelve years on, I’m not a paleontologist. Neither am I Superman. Batman would’ve seemed a more realistic dream, but what the heck did I know about building a Batmobile then? I’m still not who I want to be. My life so far has been one roller coaster ride of joy, sadness, pain, excitement, alcohol, death, hate and love; dejection and vodka go so well together.

I see people around me, but do they really exist? Lying, cheating bitching, backstabbing; “Fake” is what defines society today. Friends are the people you’re supposed to depend upon when you’re in need? No thanks. In the words of the not-so-great Nicholas Cage portraying the kind-of-cliché-but-cool Cameron Poe in the movie Con Air, “Sorry boss, but there’s only two men I trust. One of them's me. The other's not you.” Damn, I love that movie.

Call me a loner, a cynic. I am. I just don’t see the point in putting all your trust in people who wouldn’t take a bullet for you even after you did for them. Too scared of their own limitation. What limitations? Limitations only exist when you create them for yourselves. You need courage to be your own person.

So where am I getting at with all of this? Well, here’s a hint: Grow up. People make mistakes. Who doesn’t? Some people make the same mistake over and over again. And again. And again. Case in point – Me. It took me 12 months to realize what a prick I had been. But in the end I did come to that realization. I did confront myself. And I’ve changed. I’m not a prick anymore. I’m not asking you to be my BFF either. Just accept me. Acknowledge my existence.

But wait, don’t get all emo just yet, I’m not done.

So, finally, here I am now, sorry for my mistake, happy to be alive and ready to face my future. Alone? If I have to. I’m glad I made those mistakes. I’m glad I hurt those people. I’m glad those people hurt me. I’m glad to be the only person I trust. I’m glad I’m not Superman. Because if it wasn’t for all of that, I wouldn’t be here right now. At this juncture of my life. Letting go. Being free. Being somebody.