Yesterday I was grounded at home all day courtesy the persistent rains that have been on for more than a day now. As Lord Murphy rightly predicted, my internet couldn’t have found a more apt time to die on me. This led me to do something unusual; I watched the television. As I sat through the painfully long commercial breaks I learned that; If I didn’t have an iPhone I didn’t have an iPhone, Katrina Kaif is so utterly disgusted with the men around that she would rather make out with a seasonal fruit, Sirji (a.k.a Amitabhji ka beta) has come up with 3G plans that propose a paradigm shifting approach towards family planning and that the mini documentaries on life at Tata Steel are actually not advertising.
After what seemed; uh well a very long time, the actual program resumed. It was a live coverage of the entire Anna Hazare Jan lokpal bill meltdown on a 24 hour national news channel. The screen was split into seventeen segments as prominent members from the government, Senior Journalists, writers, members from the board of intellectuals™ sat while the award winning correspondent interviewed the crowd of progressive, informed Indians waving flags and shouting slogans at the T.V. screen.
Our Correspondent: Sir, what do you feel are the short comings of the LLUB draft for the Jan Lokpal bill? And is the PRAC draft that the government is now proposing acceptable?
Progressive Indian 1: HUMARI MANGE PURI KARO! . pauses to think. VANDE MATARAM!
Our Correspondent: As you can see people have come out strongly this time and they are. Aaaa. Bit angry.
Progressive Indian 2: (pushes his way into the frame waving a flag) BHARAT MATA KI JAY!
Our Correspondent: Aaaaa. As you can see. . . the youth of the country has spoken.
India is a land of the remarkable and the bizarre. On one hand you have hundreds of people who are dying of hunger everyday without a choice. While on another there is a man who has sworn not to eat, even if he doesn’t have to. Anna Hazare has had it with corruption and he refuses to eat so that he can force feed his draft to the people in power of legislating bills in the parliament and amending rules of Golf on weekends. If not eating could solve all problems then wouldn’t Africa be the happiest place on earth, but don’t tell Anna that.
There is a sheer, demented lunacy this entire fast has unleashed ever since it began. Let’s recount, shall we. (previously on prison break)
1.) Anna stopped eating.
2.) A wide variety of public figures stood behind him in support which included the unfortunate Baba Ramdev .
3.) Government agrees to draft a bill but is actually looking out for its esteemed corrupt mates that are still at large. Result: Lokpal is as effective as a rubber with a hole.
4.) Baba Ramdev is pissed.
5.) Ramdev stopped eating.
6.) Ramdev’s peaceful fast is disrupted by the police at midnight where he manages to escape clad in a saree , cause that would fool them. (This ?? A beard ? I just haven’t had the time to do my upper lip in a while officer).
7.) Anna threatens to stop eating and government sends thugs to kidnap him.
8.) Government succumbs to criticism and orders to release Anna from Tihar the same day.
9.) Suresh Kalmadi greets Anna in prison ward with a warm “Hello, How are ? Khana khake jana”. Anna obliges by refusing to leave Tihar.
10.) People go bananas and what followed involves a lot of flag waving and revolting by refusing to eat.
11.) As inflation in the economy rises to an all time high efforts are made to keep a tap on “I am Anna, Anna is India” topis .
12.) 12 days and 7.5 kilos later the government agrees to the three points put forth by Anna. He breaks fast with a sip of Nimbooz (official sponsor of the Fast until death for jan lokpal bill ) . Later, reports say he hogged down 27 pieces of chicken and 14 eggs in 9 helpings of Biryani.
I sat in amazement ,as being amazed is all one can do. Day after day the entire shin dig kept getting transmitted direct to my set up box, live in high definition. I enjoyed it, cause who doesn’t when the circus is in town. The middle class wronged their critics who called them to be an apolitical bunch, as ones always in lookout for the easy ticket out of this country to write program codes in greener patches of the world. They end up cementing their ideology as one that emerges when Gandhian values and crusading consumerism go out to grab coffee. Some dimwit follower faced a lathi charge, some unfortunate government servant got suspended for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, some clown had to be appointed by the government to give out embarrassing yet politically correct statements and some T.V. anchor had to be there with his crew because the revolution had to reported. That is all this was.
